Monday, September 1, 2014

Or so I thought...

It has been a long time since I was on here last. I find it really hard to get on here and post with all the many other things I am already trying to accomplish. I don't know how other moms do it. Maybe I can make it a goal of mine to do at least two a month for the rest of the year. I thought I would be able to get my birth story up by today, I am so close to finishing it. But the last couple of weeks have not been so kind. Aiden must be going through a growth spurt, cause I am so tired. Please come back soon to check if it has been posted. I have promised a few friends that it will be done and put up for the world to see. :) Here is a beautiful of my kids for you to admire while you wait.

Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Finally getting back to blogging. I have so much on my mind. Part one...

 It has been 11 months since my husband and I started to try and conceive baby number 3. With three different times where I believed I was, but my HCG levels where not high enough to show a positive they did not last, so I could not be 100% sure. I have had some very emotional nights of crying, feeling unsure and angry. With so many other woman in my life getting pregnant and having babies, more then any other time in my life, I found myself hiding anger towards others and becoming very jealous.

About two months ago, after one of those times where I believed I was pregnant, I came to a realization that I could not keep living like this. Feeling anxious every time that time of the month was about to roll around, just wondering if I was or not. Feeling this anger every time I turned on Facebook and realized that 17+ friends where due in 2013. So I prayed, I just sat on my bed and told God I needed this pain gone. I needed to feel calmness about my life and love towards others. That the desire I had so bad to have more babies of my own had to go away. I have no idea when God wants us to have more, and I couldn't be holding on by a string every month hopping and waiting.

Because it has been a while I could now go in to the doctor and ask questions. I just wanted to know if I could still have more, or was there something wrong? I recently found out I am as healthy as can be. I have nothing going against me. That is nice and all, but not really what I wanted to hear. I am being sent to a fertility specialist. It's an hour away so who knows when this will be.

Having two wonderful births, (though may not have all gone the way I wanted) I learned so much about birthing and nursing. Knowing that now living back in the states I would be more free to labor the way I wished, I can't wait to plan for another baby. I am strong advocate about vaginal births, and if possible going natural. I realized today that as much of a food snob I am, I am also the same about health during pregnancy and post birth while nursing.

Birth, been around since the dawn of time, but yet people are trying to change it, and woman fall for whatever they are told, because most woman don’t educate themselves. Woman want it all, babies, mommy hood, convince, sexiness, #1 in the business corporation, be there at ballet practice, t-ball practice, and the track meet. I am sorry but I don’t think it is possible. (I am sure I will get some flack for this)

Teenage girls aren't taught what is takes to have a baby, properly raise this child, how much you will have to work and keep food on the table. All we see these days is how much fun sex is. If we could teach them, maybe they would choose to wait, instead of having all these accidental pregnancies. Then they could make proper choices about what they put in there body. When they do start a family, they can make healthy choices for them and the baby. I have always wanted to work and a teen pregnancy center, but I think I would be too forceful. I feel very passionate about informing woman about how to take care of them selves during this change.

With the recent birth of a new Prince, (I will tell you I have a little obsession with the younger royals. Nothing crazy though) I was super excited to hear that the Duchess had a natural birth plan in mind for labor. Not only this but she plans to take a more active role in her children s lives just as the late Princess Diana did. She is considering not getting a nanny, and plans to breast feed. (quite a shock, as it hasn't been done in decades apparently.) Most recently we have heard that the Prince is taking paternity leave to spend time with his new family! I am so thrilled to hear that this new Royal family is putting bonding with the new baby first.

What am I most excited about?? The fact that Duchess Catherine was brave, and came out the day after having her baby and publicly face the world. She is not just commoner who could come out in jeans and a T, with no makeup and a pony tail. In most cases celebrities hid and you don’t see them tell after they loose all there baby weight. You would have never known they just had a baby 8 weeks ago. So woman all over the world have never seen other woman just after birth to know what is real and right. Duchess Catherine came out fashion forward, never looking nervous, with a smile on her face and bravely stood out there for all the cameras to click, as if to say, 'I am healthy, normal, happy. I just had a baby, I am full of hormones and emotions, you will not ruin this day!'

I am so thrilled!!! Now maybe more young mothers will know, you don’t look perfect and normal just after having a baby. Because I never knew, and was still terrified that after baby #3 I would be fat and not be 'normal'. I praise you Duchess Kate, for your bravery, beauty, strength and knowledge. Did you know that OK! Magazine is now apologizing for making woman feel bad, Amazing!

Any who, till I continue the emptying of my mind tomorrow, you all have a wonderful night. 

Tuesday, January 15, 2013


As I went through last years pictures to take off my computer and store else where I came across my album of my trip to Arizona.  I haven't really looked through it as it kind makes me sad.  This picture is of my Grandma holding my Grandpa's hand just few days before he passed away. 
Maybe because I remember the emotion that was in that room as I took this picture, put I really love this picture. It just makes think of how much I love them, and what amazing people they where. I just love it so much. I get very emotional when ever I see it. 

I Just love this song. it just touches my heart every time I hear it.
(Your going to want to go to bottom of page and pause page music before listening to video) 

Trip to Santa Fe mountain ski basin


Well we started homeschooling about 3 weeks ago. It has been quite an adventure getting into a schedule and figuring out what works for us. Knowing what times to do what things, how does my son work best. There are still things I have yet to put into affect that I know I want to do. I just hope this learning process does not take to long and take away from Glenn actually learning. I have some big challenges in front of me that worry me, and I hope that I am giving him all that he needs to progress and learn. It is very heard for me to be calm with him sometimes. I find the hardest times to be when we are trying to read, and I feel he knows or assume he knows what to do when sounding out words, I just hate it when he guesses a word by just looking at the first letter but not the whole word. I am trying really hard to be calm and understanding, using words that affirm and lift up. I give him so free time during the day as long as he finishes the work sheets I give him for his studies, I just keep wondering if I am doing ok. I read once from another homeschool mom, that this is the hardest job she had ever had. OY VAE! :/  Here is my prayer I wrote yesterday, after I got very angry inside at my son for disobeying me.

Monday, December 10, 2012

Pictures with Uncle...How fun.

Why do I want to suddenly want to homeschool?


I have been having a few questions as to why I would take my son out of kindergarten, from a perfectly fine school in the middle of the year. Well let me go back a few years. Before my husband and I got married, I remember having a conversation about school for our future kids. Because I had a hard time in school, I have always been very adamant about making sure my kids get a good education and have a lot of parent involvement. I primarily meant a privet school or joining the PTO, NOT homeschooling. Because of barely graduating school myself I never felt qualified to homeschool. I was afraid of failing my kids and messing them up worse then I was in school.

Being a military family we move a lot and we have met a lot of homeschooling families over the years. In hindsight I think God has always had homeschooling in his plans, I just wasn't where I needed to be yet. I have been married over 7years and not once till about two week ago did I ever seriously consider really going for it.

So why am I considering it?

I never put my kids in day care just so I could go back to a mediocre job, all while some one else was raising and teaching my kids. I wanted to be the parent and teach them. I suddenly came to the same feeling about school. My son has already received 5 referral slips from school  this year. He talks back, doesn't show respect for others or his elders, has says things I don't think are ok for a 6 year old and his attitude has gone done hill since school. I am not the one to discipline him or correct his bad behavior. I am not the one to help him improve or fix what he did wrong.

My son actually does really well educationally in school and is normally done with his work quite quickly, and then acts out because he is board. I know they should be able to help me out it this area, but to me there is more then just fixing this problem. I want to teach him kindness, respect, sharing, love for others, and patience. These are not core lessons at school, but in my BIBLE.

Yes he does get in trouble for many other reasons, but as I was told recently, he is having a heart issue, and we need to figure out what it is. Hearing him say 'I don't know' is just frustrating and not helping him be a better person.

There could be many alternatives to taking my son out of school, such as having more bible devotions with my kids before bed, or getting the teacher to give him more work, or getting him tested. All very possible. But the honest truth is I just feel that this is what God is calling me to do right now, And if my timing is right with Gods then this will all work out.

Believe me I don't think he will have any 'social' problems, he is a very outgoing kid and loves to play.

Please pray for my family as we attempt this and that we all lean on God. If you have more questions as to why I am doing this, go ahead and ask, or if you have any recommendations please let me know.

Thursday, September 27, 2012

Another year older another year gone.

Last week was my 27th birthday. Up until about 4 months ago I was still feeling like the 19 year old that got married to her best friend. I only remember once when I looked into the mirror and realized,  I have two kids, my body has changed and I think I have started to see the skin on my chin get just a little lower then it used to be.

I have moved 5 times since graduating high school. I have left tons of friends behind and feel that many of them have stayed there. It is heart breaking at times, when I feel alone and crushed by life and all I want is one of my best girls by my side, and they are no where to be found. I understand it is a two way street but how hard is it to seem interested? More then just FB too. Do I not get wedding invites because I live so far away, or is because you don't consider me that close of a friend?

I switched high school half way between my junior year. Not one person called me from the school I left. No one wondering where I had gone. Did anyone think, "where was that girl that I went to school with for the last 4 years". I thought that someone would call to ask, but no. I thought even after graduating from a small school where I had made some amazing friends, even if it was just the last two years of school, we would stay in touch better. Once I saw some friends from the school I left at the movie theater, the girls just looked at me like I was an outcast. I was really hurt. They say high school is the best years of your life, I don't know who made up that lie, but I will never tell my kids that.

You know where you have friends that are always there for you, let you talk and vent about everything, then there are those who you are that for? Well after looking at some of my (what I thought my) closest friends I realize after all the years, there is one girl friend that our friendship goes both ways. I just wish we weren't 1500 miles from each other right now. It breaks my heart that those girls that stood next to me at the alter have moved on and with out me. It is nice to see them while we are home, but I am pretty sure it will never be the same.

My husband wants to move back to our home town after he gets out of the Army, in about 10 years. I think it sounds like a dead end. As much as I love Oregon I don't want to go back where everything is changed and no one knows my name, it would be like going to an alternate world where it looks the same but your memories are no where to be found.

Honestly, it isn't like I am the same person either, but I still crave for those friends who stick by me and know who I am. When you move so much it is really hard to make friends, and this time around I feel like it is getting harder. I could also be holding back, feeling a little hardened from all these moves and all these friends coming and going. When you make them, you eventually have to move, and rarely are they that one friend who is going to stick around even after you move. God has put some amazing people in my life, I just wish they were a little closer. Maybe that is why I hang onto my hubby so tight.  
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