LOVE

As I went through last years pictures to take off my computer and store else where I came across my album of my trip to Arizona.  I haven't really looked through it as it kind makes me sad.  This picture is of my Grandma holding my Grandpa's hand just few days before he passed away. 
Maybe because I remember the emotion that was in that room as I took this picture, put I really love this picture. It just makes think of how much I love them, and what amazing people they where. I just love it so much. I get very emotional when ever I see it. 

I Just love this song. it just touches my heart every time I hear it.
(Your going to want to go to bottom of page and pause page music before listening to video) 

Trip to Santa Fe mountain ski basin

Homeschooling!

Well we started homeschooling about 3 weeks ago. It has been quite an adventure getting into a schedule and figuring out what works for us. Knowing what times to do what things, how does my son work best. There are still things I have yet to put into affect that I know I want to do. I just hope this learning process does not take to long and take away from Glenn actually learning. I have some big challenges in front of me that worry me, and I hope that I am giving him all that he needs to progress and learn. It is very heard for me to be calm with him sometimes. I find the hardest times to be when we are trying to read, and I feel he knows or assume he knows what to do when sounding out words, I just hate it when he guesses a word by just looking at the first letter but not the whole word. I am trying really hard to be calm and understanding, using words that affirm and lift up. I give him so free time during the day as long as he finishes the work sheets I give him for his studies, I just keep wondering if I am doing ok. I read once from another homeschool mom, that this is the hardest job she had ever had. OY VAE! :/  Here is my prayer I wrote yesterday, after I got very angry inside at my son for disobeying me.

Pictures with Uncle...How fun.

Why do I want to suddenly want to homeschool?

Homeschooling...

I have been having a few questions as to why I would take my son out of kindergarten, from a perfectly fine school in the middle of the year. Well let me go back a few years. Before my husband and I got married, I remember having a conversation about school for our future kids. Because I had a hard time in school, I have always been very adamant about making sure my kids get a good education and have a lot of parent involvement. I primarily meant a privet school or joining the PTO, NOT homeschooling. Because of barely graduating school myself I never felt qualified to homeschool. I was afraid of failing my kids and messing them up worse then I was in school.

Being a military family we move a lot and we have met a lot of homeschooling families over the years. In hindsight I think God has always had homeschooling in his plans, I just wasn't where I needed to be yet. I have been married over 7years and not once till about two week ago did I ever seriously consider really going for it.

So why am I considering it?

I never put my kids in day care just so I could go back to a mediocre job, all while some one else was raising and teaching my kids. I wanted to be the parent and teach them. I suddenly came to the same feeling about school. My son has already received 5 referral slips from school  this year. He talks back, doesn't show respect for others or his elders, has says things I don't think are ok for a 6 year old and his attitude has gone done hill since school. I am not the one to discipline him or correct his bad behavior. I am not the one to help him improve or fix what he did wrong.

My son actually does really well educationally in school and is normally done with his work quite quickly, and then acts out because he is board. I know they should be able to help me out it this area, but to me there is more then just fixing this problem. I want to teach him kindness, respect, sharing, love for others, and patience. These are not core lessons at school, but in my BIBLE.

Yes he does get in trouble for many other reasons, but as I was told recently, he is having a heart issue, and we need to figure out what it is. Hearing him say 'I don't know' is just frustrating and not helping him be a better person.

There could be many alternatives to taking my son out of school, such as having more bible devotions with my kids before bed, or getting the teacher to give him more work, or getting him tested. All very possible. But the honest truth is I just feel that this is what God is calling me to do right now, And if my timing is right with Gods then this will all work out.

Believe me I don't think he will have any 'social' problems, he is a very outgoing kid and loves to play.

Please pray for my family as we attempt this and that we all lean on God. If you have more questions as to why I am doing this, go ahead and ask, or if you have any recommendations please let me know.

I did some glamour shots of myself, it was fun.

Newest pictures of my two.

Another year older another year gone.

Last week was my 27th birthday. Up until about 4 months ago I was still feeling like the 19 year old that got married to her best friend. I only remember once I look into the mirror and realize that I have had two kids, my body has changed and I think I have started to see my skin on my chin get just a little lower then it should be.

I have moved 5 times since graduating high school. I have left tons of friends behind and feel that many of them have stayed there. It is heart breaking at times, when I feel alone and crushed by life and all I want is one of my best girls by my side, and they are no where to be found. I understand it is a two way street but how hard is it to seem interested? More then just FB too. Do I not get wedding invites because I live so far away, or is because you don't consider me that close of a friend?

I switched high school half way between my junior year. Not one person called me from the school I left. No one wondering where I had gone. Did anyone think, "where was that girl that I went to school with for the last 4 years". I thought that someone would call to ask, but no. I thought even after graduating from a small school where I had made some amazing friends, even if it was just the last two years of school, we would stay in touch better. Once I saw some friends from the school I left at the movie theater, the girls just looked at me like I was an outcast. I was really hurt. They say high school is the best years of your life, I don't know who made up that lie, but I will never tell my kids that.

You know where you have friends that are always there for you, let you talk and vent about everything, then there are those who you are that for? Well after looking at some of my (what I thought my) closest friends I realize after all the years, there is one girl friend that our friendship goes both ways. I just wish we weren't 1500 miles from each other right now. It breaks my heart that those girls that stood next to me at the alter have moved on and with out me. It is nice to see them while we are home, but I am pretty sure it will never be the same.

My husband wants to move back to our home town after he gets out of the Army, in about 10 years. I think it sounds like a dead end. As much as I love Oregon I don't want to go back where everything is changed and no one knows my name, it would be like going to an alternate world where it looks the same but your memories are no where to be found.

Honestly, it isn't like I am the same person either, but I still crave for those friends who stick by me and know who I am. When you move so much it is really hard to make friends, and this time around I feel like it is getting harder. I could also be holding back, feeling a little hardened from all these moves and all these friends coming and going. When you make them, you eventually have to move, and rarely are they that one friend who is going to stick around even after you move. God has put some amazing people in my life, I just wish they were a little closer. Maybe that is why I hang onto my hubby so tight.  

Months of change, mind full thought and emotions.

About 4 months ago we moved across the country, We went from the hot muggy south of Georgia, to the dry hot dessert of New Mexico. That is my life as a military spouse, we move, uproot our children, and try our best to make the best of our new life, I tell my self it is an adventure, but there are days it is just overwhelming and depressing.

Many times this summer I have wanted to get on here and vomit my brain. I am not a highly educated woman, I barely finished high school. As much as I love to learn it stresses me out to do it in a classroom setting. I prefer to not get graded. Instead of a full knowledge of world goings on and political mud slinging, I know songs to Phineas and Ferb, Doc McStuffens, and Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. Just knowing half this crap that goes on would depress anyone. But any person who wants to make a difference and be a good force in this bad world should know whats going on. 

Since moving here I have found out that NM has the 2nd worst schools in all of America, it has the highest rate of teen pregnancies, Santa Fe is a sanctuary for illegal immigrants, and the unemployment rate is ridiculous compared to the cost of living. 

This is the year, a year that could mean change. Every 4 years we get a chance to vote, a way to get our voice heard. September 26th was national voters registration day. I really hope that you have registered so that you have no excuse when you dislike the way our government is flushing our country down the flusher.

... more thoughts later

Love my little girl.